i'm amazed by how upset she makes me. i know she's irrational and bipolar and crazy. i know i'm not the only one she yells at. i know i am one of many who wish her name weren't on the schedule. and still, i've had to breathe slowly all night in order to keep from crying. i hate it that she makes me disappointed in who i am. i hate it that she makes me wish i weren't so carefree.

tonight she told me that she doesn't trust me.

that's fine. really, it is. in two weeks i'll be out of here. i'll be in a hotel on the boardwalk. there will be no more fluorescent lights or silk skirts or czech beads. there will be seafood and sunscreen.

and i feel like i'm running away. i feel like i've given up. i can't handle working for a difficult woman? how weak is that? there are stubborn people in the world. if i'm competent, i should be able to handle them, right? i should be able to do my job so well that there would be no fault to find, right?

except that she's irrational and bipolar and crazy. i can't go from her hugging me and telling me about her kitten, and then go through the "you belittle me because i'm a foreigner" crap.

it really doesn't matter to me that it's completely unwarranted. i just hate the fact that there are people who hate me, besides erica kritt.