i was worried that by coming here i would slip into the stupid clumsy shut up your name isn't remembered stare down at the notebook that you've spent hours decorating and the entire class period hoping people don't think about the hours you must've spent on your aesthetic scholarship push past people in the hallway whose names you remember but who are unsure if yours is liz or lisa go to dinner alone and sit with the girl you met while both of your toes were nudging the curb at the get to know your neighbor freshmen games and now you only talk about how your classes went or how the chocolate milk is funky and when you see the ceiling tile with the word gullible scrawled across you laugh to yourself silently because you're ashamed to admit it's funny.

i'm glad it's not like that, because i know what that's like too well. and i feel badly for the girl across the hall for whom i know it's this way. i invite her places and i know it's hard for her to say yes, but she comes anyway. every time she does, i feel proud of her. not proud like, "catch up, sweetie." proud like, "well done. this is really really hard."

i'm having an amazing time. i love it here. and i miss all of you so much.