i wonder if God created the world in such a way as to let himself be surprised. what if he didn't realize such a thing as harmony in music could exist? and when the first instance of harmony occurred, he leapt back in surprise and delight. or what if every note of every song is in his head, and when it is played he smiles a knowing smile and says, "Ah yes. THIS song."

maybe this note i'm singing now has always, since the blinking awake of the world, always, meant to sound like it does right now. maybe the picture i hang on my wall has always been meant to hang there, so that when i glance up and see my sister's crinkly smily eyes, i will know that i love her.

maybe i can actually let God be as big and whole and scary as he is. maybe i can let him change me into what i'll be in heaven. maybe i'll let myself see you how you'll be.

i hope so.