wake up on the floor of a friendly, friendly room. talk to an old friend. do your laundry. collage an electric wire spool with photographs from an era you'll never remember. walk outside to buy pumpkins. get distracted by the free caramel apples. laugh maniacally at the way the caramel is annexing jill's face. walk inside to clean off. walk back outside to peruse the yard sale (sketchbook, one dollar.) buy (by which i mean take, since they were free) a pumpkin (and make sure it's the ugliest one you can find). carve it into a face, or else find the face that was already there. exchange jokes with a champion apple spitter. finish laundry. perfect the art of being silly with pumpkins in a photograph. dinner. mmm. be thwarted by the gym because it is closed. on the way back, steal an enormous pumpkin box so as to make a fort. watch waiting for guffman with very cool kids. knit a scarf, by which i mean knit two rows of a scarf. hear the shrieking mourning of many bereft yankees fans in the hallway. watch the best of tracy [whatever his last name is] on snl for about ten minutes. fetch laundry. stumble upon a prayer session. join in. watch keeping the faith with fabulous girls. leave early to go to bed. get distracted by diaryland. tire of writing the events of the day. decide to sleep.

do all of this, and you will have lived a day in my life. er, you would've lived...today...as..me. or something.