tomorrow night will see me breathing a deep sigh of relief. or else it will see me wallowing. either way, i won't envy myself tonight.

i am really, really sick of transition. i hate the perpetual get-to-know-you picnic.

(here's the situation, in case you can't read past the bush. i need to decide by tomorrow night whether i'm coming back to messiah next year. it has to be by tomorrow because that's when dad will reserve a plane ticket for me, for the family trip to china during the month of july, if i decide i can afford to go with them. i can only afford it if i suck it up and go to community college. which may have to happen anyway, because this school is as expensive as your mom. the part that makes it so hard is that i have rarely felt at home anywhere more than i do here. the possible exception to that is the basement of any number of houses in the annapolis area...)

it's so hard to live as a christian when you're so sure that things can't work out. it's hard to trust God when my checkbook seems to be shouting louder.

i wish it would shut up. in fact, i wish I would shut up.

close my mouth, God.